Zombie
I loved her. I can’t recall the moment she stopped being just a friend to me. She was the sister I never had. It was as if she was my other half. It was hard to believe we could have a connection like that, even though we’ve never physically met. Our friendship seemed so unreal. It was like a movie. We could talk to each other about literally any and everything. We were inseparable. I don’t think those feelings I had were ever more than platonic. It couldn’t have been, could it? If so, it would explain why I felt the way I did.
I’ll admit it. I let my jealousy get the better of me. How? I didn’t want her to find other friends to hangout with or date anyone. At the time, my mind thought if she’d done that, she’d forget about me. In retrospect, I was being a selfish ass, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of her disappearing, like everyone else usually does.
So, I got envious. The thing is, she technically did nothing wrong. In my eyes, she was perfect, which I loved and also disliked about her. She never seemed to make any mistakes and was absolutely beautiful inside and out. It was nice, yet very annoying. Why? I can’t seem to find a good answer for that. I felt like a second-wheel compared to her. An insignificant background character. She was so likeable, so flawless. I think that must be it. I wanted that. There wasn’t a sane person out there who disliked her and I wanted to be her.
In the hope that this was just some small phase, I continued our friendship, but my feelings only seemed to get worse and worse. But everyone’s got a breaking point.
I don’t remember my exact words. I just know they were intended to hurt. Most of them were true, but fueled by anger. There was an explosion of emotions from all parties involved. Me, her, the boyfriend, our group of friends. It was digital chaos.
Her obnoxious boyfriend verbally attacked me. He was attempting to defend her, not knowing my side of the story. Our group of friends, “The Dropouts”, was completely split. Some of them took my side, others took hers. A few remained neutral. But no one was left unscathed.
I never intended for everything to end up that way. My jealousy and selfishness got the better of me and the Dropouts paid the price for it. Now, most of us barely even talk. If I could go back and fix everything before it got out of control, I would. I really only have myself to blame.
Losing her felt like not only having my heart ripped out of me, but tearing it to shreds, while crushing it at the same time? Losing her was worse than getting dumped by a boyfriend. It was worse than me not moving to California to follow my dreams. Worse than my childhood hero get killed off. I imagine, worse than death. There’s not a day that goes by that I wish this stupid fight never happened.
I’ll admit it. I let my jealousy get the better of me. How? I didn’t want her to find other friends to hangout with or date anyone. At the time, my mind thought if she’d done that, she’d forget about me. In retrospect, I was being a selfish ass, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of her disappearing, like everyone else usually does.
So, I got envious. The thing is, she technically did nothing wrong. In my eyes, she was perfect, which I loved and also disliked about her. She never seemed to make any mistakes and was absolutely beautiful inside and out. It was nice, yet very annoying. Why? I can’t seem to find a good answer for that. I felt like a second-wheel compared to her. An insignificant background character. She was so likeable, so flawless. I think that must be it. I wanted that. There wasn’t a sane person out there who disliked her and I wanted to be her.
In the hope that this was just some small phase, I continued our friendship, but my feelings only seemed to get worse and worse. But everyone’s got a breaking point.
I don’t remember my exact words. I just know they were intended to hurt. Most of them were true, but fueled by anger. There was an explosion of emotions from all parties involved. Me, her, the boyfriend, our group of friends. It was digital chaos.
Her obnoxious boyfriend verbally attacked me. He was attempting to defend her, not knowing my side of the story. Our group of friends, “The Dropouts”, was completely split. Some of them took my side, others took hers. A few remained neutral. But no one was left unscathed.
I never intended for everything to end up that way. My jealousy and selfishness got the better of me and the Dropouts paid the price for it. Now, most of us barely even talk. If I could go back and fix everything before it got out of control, I would. I really only have myself to blame.
Losing her felt like not only having my heart ripped out of me, but tearing it to shreds, while crushing it at the same time? Losing her was worse than getting dumped by a boyfriend. It was worse than me not moving to California to follow my dreams. Worse than my childhood hero get killed off. I imagine, worse than death. There’s not a day that goes by that I wish this stupid fight never happened.
Photo used under Creative Commons from NASA Goddard Photo and Video